I used to have three very close friends, all of whom I was a bit too close with, which is embarrassing to admit. Notice the "used to", because I am no longer friends with a single one of them. One of these friendships ended for good reason, two ended without warning, and none ended with a satisfying amount of closure. For years after they all ended, I would have incredibly vivid dreams about these friends. Sometimes we would fight, sometimes we found that closure after all, and sometimes they would just forgive me and it was like we had never ended that friendship.

 I was haunted by them for so long, probably because I am horrible at letting things go, even if I desperately want to. I kinda clung to the idea of being forgiven by them, and it was something I desperately wanted to hear. I wanted to be forgiven and then I imagined my guilt would be washed away and I'd be cleansed of it. But at the same time, I didn't want to forget about it, I just wanted it to stop haunting me. Sometime around the creation of this piece though, I finally let go of all three of those people and forgave myself.