Here Comes the Sun, Except it Leaves Me
Here Comes the Sun, Except it Leaves Me
2025
Watercolor, oil paint, & Finetec iridescent watercolor on paper
10" x 8"
Sometimes in life, you have to be delusional, and you have to get overly attached to a four-night stand and lose your mind over it for an entire year. You have to do all of that, so you can realize that there is something to gain from every interaction, and also so that you will never get that delusional again. This of course is what happened to me, and I won't completely tell the story, but I'll provide context.
To make a long story short, when I was 14 I was in an incredibly abusive relationship for two months, which took me four years to stop obsessing over. In those four years, I let no one touch me, not even a hug from my friends felt comfortable. I went from being an affectionate and touchy person to being touch-starved with no appetite to change, until I turned 18, and realized the world of dating apps was open to me. Thus began my attempt to get over it.
The warmth of another body, especially one I had never imagined I could have touched, melted me immediately. I had never liked my back being touched, even before that horrible relationship, and for some reason, it didn't bother me in the slightest then. I felt like a fat cat in the sun, but I didn't realize the taste I had awoke a hunger I had forgotten all about.
He was like my Jack from The Titanic, except he didn't die, he just ghosted me. He was never meant to stay with me though; he was just meant to waltz in, change my life, then leave, and that was probably for the better. This portrait of him is referenced from the drawings I did of him the last time we ever saw each other.